My cellphone calls random people.

Why?” Pi asked. “What are your secret thoughts?” “Nothing,” Mackenzie blurted out. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. Tess shook her head. She doesn’t want the whole school knowing she cheated on Cooper. Aha. “Tess!” Mackenzie yelled. Tess clamped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to think it!

We were not always freaks. Sure, most of us occasionally exhibited freakish behaviour. But that’s not the same thing.

You don’t really have to fallin love with him, but he’s not a terrible option for a fling. As long as you use a condom. Two condoms, even.

She looks at me strangely. “Um, no. I’m frozen.

Really?” I say. “Hmm. I guess it’s possible that she’s not home. It’s not nighttime yet. The original story doesn’t take place until tomorrow, so she might not even be around right now. She could be out luring children with bubble gum or something.

Just to make sure it wasn’t cancer. Or a heart attack. Or lymphangioleiomyomatosis. Which, sure, only affected one out of a million people, but it started with a cough, and if you were the one out of a million, then you were done-like-dinner within the year.

Couldn’t he have checked his shoelaces BEFORE entering a dark, super-creepy cave?

I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves – ” “I’m going to.

We find our way to the marble kitchen, open the fancy silver fridge, and serve ourselves a heaping plate of coleslaw and chicken fingers. “Mmm,” I say. Prince makes sloppy eating sounds. “Delicious,” says Jonah. He smiles at Frederic. “Tastes just like frog legs.” I laugh so hard I snort coleslaw out of my nose.